How ‘Bullies’ can arise


I was a child of 14 years. My parents just separated. It was a difficult time. No explanation, no consolation, no hug.. Nothing.. I was confused. Questions remained unanswered. I didn’t tell  it to my friends and girlfriends. I embarrassed myself. What I did, I became a ‘ bully. ‘ That was my way of dealing with the pain I felt in me.. My soul was damaged and I didn’t know how to deal with it in a good way. I was a child and lost in my feelings..

At that time I was at the second class of the high school and I assaulting a child from my class. I forgot through this my own pain, that I could not handle. Multiple children assaulting that girl and so I did. At that moment I didn’t  realized what an impact that could have to another person. By the Dean of the school, I was summoned to appear with his question, ‘ Why are you assaulting that girl? ‘ The only thing I could answer was, ‘ Because she lives on a farm. ‘ How ridiculous as that sounds. We were assaulting the girl because she lived on a farm. ‘ Boe ‘, we called, among other things, if she walk on by or we long past her. My English teacher called me also with him. He said that it was nothing for me, to assaulting a child. That was not the way he knows me. And he was right, it was not the person who I was. It went against my feeling in. I hated people who had a fight or were yelling at someone. I knew it at that time, I had pain and shared it on a wrong way. I was assaulting an innocent child..

I realized that what I had done, was wrong. So terribly wrong. I have no excuse for this. I can only share that my soul was damaged and I had no idea how I had to express myself at that time.
What I want to say is, watch your children. Ask them questions, answer the questions that they have, consolation, hug them.. Be the arm they need, be the person that they need to lean against. I don’t say that it’s good what bullies do. It should never be approve!

I ask attention for the fact that children who assaulting other children, that they may be damaged and hurt as well. By not talking about it because they can’t or because they don’t dare, they will find others ways to deal with the pain, to forget their hurting soul.. Often they just don’t know how.

Therefore, give your child attention in every difficult situation. Talk and be the person they need. Let everyone in his/her value, no matter if it’s a child or an adult. We all have just as much right to live on this world as anyone else.

I’m embarrassed for what I did to that girl.. Now I know better. I hope that people who are hurt, have people they can go to. To talk, to listen, to learn.. For a better world.


78 thoughts on “How ‘Bullies’ can arise

  1. It may have been Lau Tzu or the Buddha, Sorry I have forgotten, that said, There are no bad people only sick or ignorant and we should help the sick and teach the ignorant. Your post reminded me of those wise words. My three sons, are men now, and lost their mother like you. My love was what I think made them grow up to be good citizens and at times it was tough love but they still love and respect me. Thank you for sharing, without any ego, those not so good days.

  2. Thank you for sharing this. I’m sure it is difficult to do, but it is so important to hear “the other side of the story”. Understanding where it (the bullying) comes from is an important factor for defeating it.

  3. summer, such an honest account and a great reminder of the need to pay attention past the surface of what’s going on with our kiddos. thank you for sharing. xo –kris

    • Thank you for your comment. I agree, more people should listen to themself. By what they say and can do to others. Children can learn from addults. It’s important that they talk and listen.

      Greetings, Summer

  4. So true! There are many hurting children in this world. I myself have adopted two children, whom have a broken past. At times they act out in anger towards others, but I know where the problems come from, a hurt and broken childhood. But the great news is they are coming around. There sadness is still there, the pains are there, but joy comes from the love we bring them. 🙂

  5. Normally, I would hate you and tell you “Fuck You Asshole!!!”. but, I most tell you this…I was a victim of bullying since I was 5 years old. The hurt and beating from people never stopped my pain and sadness that I had experienced. However, when I was in elementary and middle school I was still being bullied. I had discovered “Nine Inch Nails” and “Marilyn Manson”. If it wasn’t for them I would not be here today. My writings too have made me stronger and powerful than any human in this world. If you read my work it won’t sound like I’ve been a victim because I hide in a cipher message. But basically all of my works consist of “Fuck You” to the world and all those bullies that have done me wrong.

    I’m glad you changed and you are no longer the way you use to be.

    Thank you for friending me…what made you want to follow me as your friend?


  6. Glad u post so inspirational because u invite other people to admit their mistakes and even if they were wrong, they should embrace mistakes. ‘Cause when u admit,accept,embrace what u’ve done that’s a sign of growing up. l’m sorry for everything that made u get to the point of beeing a bully and i hope u will be an exemple for your kids, hope u’ll be there for them and talk about ..everything. i would like to reblog this so that others can read this if u don’t mind..Thanks and God bless u

    • Thank you for your kind words. You are so right, we can learn from mistakes. If we do something with the lessons we learn in a positive way, we can create a place were love overcomes hatred.
      Sure, go ahead and share it, I appreciate it that you understand my meaning with this post. It’s not only about forgive myself, but also to let people think about their mistakes and the lessons they can learn from it. It’s not a shame to share your mistakes, it says that you are step forwards and let go the wrong things from the past. Learning and walk your walk in a positive way.

      I wish you a beautiful day.

      Sweet greetings, Summer

  7. I was the girl who “lives on a farm”. I was different and bullied because of it. It made me think a lot about the impact one person can have on another, and what kind of person I wanted to be. Unpleasant as it was at the time, I’m a much better person for having gone through it. Maybe your experience was one of life’s lessons, and you and the girl are both better for having learned it.

    • I’m sorry that you were bullied. I know it’s so wrong. Yes, for sure I see it as a life lesson.

      I wish you all the best. Be you!

      Greetings, Summer

      • Oh no, in the long run it was a good thing and made me better in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise. Also, it sure made me teach my children compassion for other kids. The outcome for you and for me were a lot of positive growth, and maybe for the farm girl too. I’m sorry for the pain you went through also, and I admire the way you grew from it.

        • I’m glad to read that you see it as a life lesson too and give it a positive way to share your learnings with your children.

          Sweet greetings, Summer

  8. When my brother was in middle school, there was a kid who was a bully in his class. One day, he didn’t show up to school and the principal announced on the PA system that that boy was killed that morning by his mother, who was a crack fiend.

    It is a very hard thing to come to terms with and it is an even harder thing to admit it to people you don’t know. You are a very courageous person to have written that because even now, I know people who still can’t come to terms with that ugly part of themselves. And they hide in violence or laughter in the face of violence.

    Congratulate yourself for taking a different path. I have seen and do know how hard it is.

    • What a sad story. It should not may happen. Everyone has the right to live on this earth, no matter who or what you are. Thanks for sharing.

      I will not hide the side off me that is learning, so it’s important that I hold a miror for me now and then and talk about it.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Sweet greetings, Summer

      • As we say in my neck of the woods, “Give props where props are due.” It is a very difficult thing to say “I’m sorry” but those who do can walk away being better people.

        My hat’s off to you. 🙂

  9. I am sorry that you had this great unhappiness that you didn’t know how to deal with. I am sure, that since then, you have tried to be gracious and caring to others, having realized your mistake, and that this was a valuable lesson in your life.

    • It sure was a valuable lesson, ShimonZ. I’m thankful that I’m a different person now and found out that sharing love and peace is a great thing to do.

      Sweet greetings, Summer

  10. Look how far you’ve come. Some don’t make it past bullying as adults. You have made peace with yourself, and all others around you through, reconciliation. You have recognized your former self, and had the courage to change your former self. If there is such a thing as penance you, have paid it with this reconciliation. Thank you, and congratulations.

  11. Anyone can handle adversity…
    If you want to test someone’s character, give them power…

    Sounds like you have gained some character. Bravo. All we can do is try to get better.


  12. Hi Summer,

    How are you? Great I hope…In lieu of an acceptance post for the meme you were kind enough to bestow, I’ve fashioned a blogroll–complete with intro post to it–on which you are included. If you want to come peek…:)

    • Hey Sharon,

      Yes I’m doing fine, thanks for asking! And how are doing?
      I saw your blogroll. Awesom, Sharon! Really, I appreciate that you’ve add my blog on that. Thanks, sweet you!

      Love and Peace, Summer

  13. its depressing and sad to see such things happening..and its for sure behind every wrong doing there ought to be some reason and if it is known the doing can be avoided.

    • Thanks for your sharing words. Yes, it’s a sad thing, I hope everyone could be happy and have a lovingful and peaceful life, where everyone can be who they want to be.

      Sweet greetings, Summer

  14. Dear Summer,
    you are so aware and mindful! Iam glad to have the chance to share your personal experience with you. I really do hope that you take heart to forgive you (I know, it’s seems to be easier to forgive than to forget…). But your post shows that you are courageously facing your life and the worlds situation too!! Iam a separated mother, so I asked me directly if I’am on a good way staying with my children?? The answer can be given only by them. One aspect is much important for me: to take time and share it with our children as much as possible! We can learn so much from them – especially LOVE – unlimited! Shiny cheers and a great thank-you to you, Katharina

    • Thanks for your kind words! Yes I hope that people learn from their mistakes and encouraged enough to share it. Life lessons are sometime hard and difficult, I wish it would be easier for everyone to learn life lessons in a better way.

      Sweet greetings, Summer

  15. I’m kind of “glad” that you could come out with this one. Thank you for sharing something that private.

    Have you had the chance to say: “Sorry!”? (You don’t have to answer me!)

  16. This is a very thoughtful piece – and honest. You are brave to be this honest, but also to process it with the wisdom that you have.

    I really wish that girl could read this. It is a beautiful expression of regret, and apology.

    Glad I never lived on a farm!

  17. its good that you repented and left bullying. people bully for different reasons, i have seen people who are pampered too much by parents bully. i am talking about close family circle where there is no almost no secret.

    adults should keep a watch and teach the bullies that how bad a habit it is. children always listen to adults if another adult is not brainwashing them.

  18. Thank you for sharing your painful experience and for reminding us that compassion for everyone is what we need to cultivate. I’m sorry you were so damaged, and I’m grateful you’re pointing the way for greater mindfulness and understanding. xoM

  19. You are brave to share this in here so others can learn from your experience. You opened my eyes about the possibilities of any reasons that cause the actions. Thank you, Summer.

  20. Well done to you. It’s voices such as yours that will help in the eradication of bullying… I do hope that you’ve forgiven yourself; it does take an enormous amount of courage to face up to ourselves. When we do though, it is so very liberating…. Bravo to you…!

    • Thank you, Carol for your kind words. I’ve forgive myself. I’ve learn a lot the past years and I’m open to learn more. Every day..

      Sweet greetings, Summer

    • Thank you, Lekdrakenoir. Here, in Holland, in 1 month two childeren commited suicide because other people assaulting them. It’s so sad..
      I’m trully shocked that the world is like that these days. It must be stopped. There must be more love..

  21. You are very honest and brave to tell us your story but also on the other side it will help a lot of parents hopefully. We do not know what children think, specially after a breakup or other tragedies. The breakup and leaving of my ex has actually brought us , me and my children more together as we sat together crying, it felt good not doing it alone. And in my house we are never short of hugs and cuddles. I need loads, here one for you! UTe x

  22. It must have been very difficult for you to share that and I applaud your courage for doing so. When there is a breakup, everybody handles it differently.

    Thank you for telling us of your experience

    • Yes, it’s not easy to share, because I’m not proud of it. But when you do something wrong you’ve also get the guts to tell it. I’ve learn from it and see what for terrible things happens in the world. I hope that people learn to have respect for every person. No matter what color, or religion and al that.

      Thank you, Alistair for your comment.

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